Confessions..

Confessions I'm willing to come to. Even to all of you. Where to start is my question. Any hints? I got an idea...
Lets catergorize them.

Guys I've dated & how long:

Antonio G - a week
Joe S - 8 months
Anthony L - 2 months
Brendan H - 3 days
Thomas M - 2 months (twice)
Lambros F- a week
Dustin S - like a month
Matt W - one week officially
Chris R - an hour (a joke)
Ryan V - 5 minutes (prank)

So I don't know what you would consider a "real" relationship. My "real" is after 2 months for myself personally. Cause those two I had who made it past that mark, truly meant something to me. Otherwise? Not to much.


Major Regrets & Reasons for them:

• The whole thing between whatever actually went down between me, Kyle & Lopez and Dan. I truly do regret it. A lot, and I think back to that a lot now. I try not to make the same slutty bitchy mistakes I did back then. I have learned from it, but I'll admit it did screw me up. It gave me the reality check I needed. None of those guys diserved what I did to them, or how I acted to/about them. Danny was my in-state best friend. Lopez was my current boyfriend at the time. And Kyle, he should've been just a good friend I met through Lopez. I'll tell everyone now, me & Kyle never did anything. Nothing physical. Ever. But there was a connection there. At least with me there was. I had feelings for both guys, and I was messed up. My thought process was so fucked up, and I hated what I did. I chose some guy, over my boyfriend. Let alone it being his best friend. I let myself get that obbsessed. Something I never did before. Something I thought was real, when it was all in my head. I've never cheated physically, but I have mentally cause of the shit I did to him. I feel so bad for putting Lopez through that, and if I could, I'd take it all back in a heartbeat. I'd never get that close to Kyle. I would've never done what I did, if I've only been smarter and realized the best guy I've ever had was right there. And he was mine. But nope, I'm me. I hadda screw myself over.
• Joe, letting him do what he did. Letting myself think I was okiee and I could go that far. To even fake that I was ready for how far I went. I wasn't. I'm still not. I hate the idea of anything past make-out now. It'll be fucking forever before I'll let another guy ever go there. Even the thought of one day letting it happen, scares me. It makes me sick. And it's my own fault. I let him take advantage of me. I could've done so much to get him to stop. I had so many chances, and I just kept saying "everything will be ok. It's just bad times." When it just kept happening. I kept blaming myself for everything, letting him win. Letting him use the fake cutting & sucidalness against me. I let him win, just to pay the price in the end. I'll admit I'm still a virgin, but even that was nearly lost. I regret ever letting him get that far, for something I should've known was never even real.
• All the shit I've said about anyone in anger. Close friends especially. I know I can't take any of it back, and in some cases I know I shouldn't. But I still regret saying some of it about certain people. I'm probably at fault for a few possible rumors, and I apolgize. But I can't take it back. Just saying, only with some I would.

Non relationship-relationships:

Anthony F
Matt W (same matt from before)
Kephrin (If it counts, we just kissed.)

(I really don't know what else to write here, so if any of you have anything you wish to know, just ask. Honestly. I'll be utterly truthfull & honest on here about it. No secrets or hiding. Just the truth.)