Who's in this picture now?

People currently in my life putting aside family:

That are actually there..

-Scruffy
-Luvie
-Jimmy
-Em
-Mike
-Cj
-Brian
-Spike
-George
-Billy
-Amanda
-Ang
-Jp
-Joanna
-Tom
-Zuki
-Julie
-Casey

...Now for those I actually know I can talk too

-Scruffy
-Luvie
-Em
-Amanda
-Tom
-Mike
-Brian
-Jp

Now those I actually do talk to bout stuff most of the time...

-Scruffy
-Luvie
-Em
-Tom

...
Wow has the list changed since last time I've made one.
I'm sorry for those I've pushed out of my life, but there was usually reason. With some people...I'm just no good with. I know most of the people even diserve better then me too. So thank you to them. <3 Each person here has a story behind them. And I'm glad I can say I'm still a part of theirs.

You...

How can you even do all of this? Make me go from being annoyed with you and all, to this again? So quickly. You are one of the sweetest guys I've ever met before, deffinatly one of a kind. You have meant so much to me, still do. Always will. There isn't a possible way I could ever forget you. You come into my life, and trust me you've made an impact already. I'm sorry that I know I'm not always there like I say I would be. But I really do try. You happy, makes me happy. And I know you're never truly happy anymore. And the most if any smiles of yours are real anymore. I adore you & love you dude. You diserve so much, and it sucks that this shit does happen to you. I wouldn't let it if I could. I've always told you that you diserve a lot. I know I might be stupid to say all of this, but I don't care. I'm speaking by what I'm thinking right now and I do mean it. I know that you do care. And I know I'm not the only one either. You've got a lot on your plate. I get it, and I'm not going to bug you. I hope I never do. You're one of my closest friends babe. I'd do a lot for you to be happy. I wish I could help out more.

If you really do ever need anything, someone to talk to, or someone to help, anything, you know you've got me. Always will regardless of anything else. I care for you so fucking much, and everything I've said to you. I've meant. I know I'm a hard to handle case at points & for that I'm sorry. I can't be blamed, but neither can you either all the time. Please know you can tell me absolutly anything. You've helped me out, and I'll do the same for you back. Thus what friends are for sii? <3

Hello..

Today could've barely been filled more to the top with flashbacks. I mean really...holy shit. Some were good, in fact, most were nice. Others...later on? Not so much. My mind can't stop looking for more forgotten memories. And to think, I was finally in a good freakin' mood. Don't get me wrong, I'm so fucking glad I went there today. I got to see a REAL old friend, Ang. And even hangout with an ex & good friend kinda JP. Today, then was great. Later on...once with Amanda...things changed. Everything really really went down hill. Slater didn't quite help. But I had to speak with her, just to see somethings. And my thoughts just happened to be right, she was never, ever a real person to me. Just a figment of what I thought she was/could be. I'm really glad I've changed..I guess yea. I am. I mean really...given a few more months with her...what would of happened? Another sleepover? =\ I can't believe what I was then. How naive and innocent. She opened up a world I know now I'm glad I learned bout early. Kids, don't ever be like her. Please..

I don't even know...I just..being honest...wanna just curl up into a ball and go to sleep. I'm seconds from tearing. I just sometimes am like this I guess. Overwhlemed? Maybe. =\ Too much at once. Not all I wanted to remember. Most I was fine without. But I guess this me is back right now...and I'm sorry to those who have to deal with me.

Bottoms Up x3

Nah the name isn't whatcha thinking. You should know I'm not like that. :P It's simply catchy. x)

Anywayz, haii there. I know who's gonna read this, so I'm good. =]

Any-who, I'm having a good time. I've got a little less then a month left to summer now and I'm not gonna keep wasting it.

Tomorow: Zuki
Thursday: Anything
Friday: Tom
Saturday: Seacacus
Sunday: Movies?

I'm just gonna enjoy the rest of my time before I go into school mode. Not like I ever made it completly into that transition last year. xD
But in all seriousness, I gotta actuall be smart this year.

Also, I'm a fucking adorable beautiful loser. Or at least I can be. And that's better then what I use to think. It's only occasionally but it's something.

And I'm not gonna keep myself down. I go for what I diserve, nothin less. I've got some of the best friends. Or well, I've got thee best friend ever.

Fuck you all to those who try to make me feel like less then I am. Or to those who only like one part to me. I mean it, fuck you. I'm me and thats what I'm gonna be. ^^

Vincent, Vin, Vince, Scruffy.

Okiee here we go again, with my ranting and all. It's all bout you again bro, why? Cause you're you. And without you, I wouldn't know the deffinition of a friend.

I know you're not coming up this year, and trust me that did hit me pretty hard. You were what made me look forward to summer. Specially this one. But honestly, this gives me just more reason to make it through this school year. Regardless of what thee past one did to me. I won't say I don't care, but I know I can do this. I gotta do this. You're my fucking brother & my number one guy & friend and just everything. I love you so much and you mean the freakin' world to me. I don't care what others say, I know who you are really and you're my favorite person ever. I have so much to thank you for, I've lost count long ago. But still, thank you. Thank you Scruff, really. <3 I don't wanna know where or how I would be if it weren't for you. I'd probably be like her for gods sake. And who wants that? But really now, I do mean what I say bout you. I know I'm extremly hard to handle at times & I'm a bit naive but you still are here. :D And that alone means so much. <3 I feel so old now that you've reached 15 too by thee way. xP But it's cool. 5 years dude, five years together. It's unbelievable. Really, it is. ^^ I wouldn't change it, not from where I'm standing. Anyone who puts you down in just stupid or jealous of who you have become. You're so much, I really don't think you know half of it. Or at least, believe it all. I'll always be here for you bro, no matter what. I can't wait till I go down to stay with you guys next summer. Best summer ever? Pretty damn sure. :P

Scruffy, Vincent, Vince, Vin...I love you so much. You make me so proud. I would never trade you for anyone in this world, dead or alive. I love you for you, nothing more or less to it. You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for or even hope to have. I know it might make me sound corny or losery, but hey, I'm being dead honest. I'm so glad you've always been there for me, since the start. I don't even count Christine as my 1st best friend. Her nor Gaby, seeing where & what they became. Honestly, you're my best friend. And I'm hoping it stays to be my life long friend. Middle School buddies, grow olde. :P Thank you for everything. <3

I'm just numb now, it's fine.

I know I've made my fair share of mistakes. Everyone in life has right? Everyone one day has to learn how to stand up for themselves. Cause if you don't, who will? I've been lucky enough to have Scruffy. He means the fucking world to me, and I'm sorry if thats just another mistaken foolish idea of mine. You havn't been there nearly as long as him, you really don't have a right to say who's my better friend. He's saved me enough times, helped me through some tough shit, and gotten me to where I am today. I wouldn't be here without him. I'm sorry if thats not your idea of a best friend.

Anywayz, yea. I'm not even mad bro. I'm just numb. I care, but it's just kinda...done. I don't know how to express how I'm feeling right now. The one time I actually try 'n stand up for myself, it screws an entire friendship up. I've felt like crap for days. It's been building for longer though. And honestly, that night, I just had enough. I know you may say it hasn't been a carnival ride. But look around. The one night you told me how much you felt for her. Without even mentioning me. I had to ask, and I did. I got up the courage, and did. You told me some of the sweetest shit anyones ever said, and I took it to heart. My bad. Two or so days later, she giult tripped you. You call me up while I'm out, telling me not to go on facebook and I was hurt, but out of giult, you "fixed" it. Thinking that'll fix everything else? After everything? Yea it's facebook. But think now. Bout what I've said. Within a lil over a week it went to all bout her, to me then you letting her win to just feel bad and go back after me. To what? "Fix" it for her the next day. And not have the courage to even talk to me much that day. Let me find out.

Now you can't blame me for my anger. I'm nobodys second. I was one for the fucking majority of my damn life. I'm sorry if I don't fit your usual, if you really did know how much everything has ever said to me, meant, you'd notice. But I'm honestly not gonna sit here and play on this see-saw. I'm really sick of it. It's been to long. I'm not doing this again. No. I diserve better. Love is strong. I get you got three girls on your mind. But out of them, who means most? Then comes your happiness. Which one makes you the happiest now? I can guess from last night.

I'm sorry that my best friend never really liked you much. Never really liked the idea. I'm sorry that just cause I actually know Amanda, thus how you & I started talking. But think of it for a second out of his perspective.

I'm not usually this kinda girl. The girl who lets herself get like this. He likes me happy, but not this kind. Cause I don't even know what this kind is. But ok, to him, you were a friend of mine. One I've never met. Or would even if anything, for a lil under a year. You were someone who just kinda entered my life randomly. Ok? A random 17 year old guy who had feelings for his best friend. And who I soon had feelings for too. I'm sorry that last time I had attempted a long distance deal, ended up with me being hurt badly. And it last long too. Scruffy knows this. He's protective. I'm sorry if that was an issue.

Then the night I told you everything through my anger? Yea, I'm not a big mouth regardless of what I call myself to anyone. I only told him pretty much. I'm sorry if he got pissed at how hurt I was. Because of who? Oh I wonder.

Now my dear, I'm really not mad. I'm just sick and sorry and tired of all this. I really do fucking care for you. But this all happened way to quick and I don't just wanna be seconds. The game had to end eventually. I'm just sorry I had to be the one to say it. The one time I actually stand up for myself, winds up with me here. Great.

I'll always be here for you, wheather you're mad at me or not. I really hope you don't hate my guts, but you wouldn't be the first. Or the last. Like I told you in the begining, there are many reasons for people to hate me. I'm me. There ya go. But look past how I've been now from everything, and what was I? What am I? I'm a complete fucking sweetheart. I've always tried my best to make sure you were happy. I've always cared since day 1. You can't really argue that. And I'm sorry if I'm too much, trust me I understand. But I will always remember you. I will always love you. You're on my mind mostly even throughout this fighting and w/e else you wanna call it. I care, more then most seem to. But I am sorry for ever hurting you. Just know, I meant every bit of what I've told you. The bad, along with every ounce of good.