My Best Friend.Ever.

This here, this is my best friend in thee entire world. Vincent Buonanno. =] <3 I love this kid beyond comparision to anyone else. And always will, no matter what. I don't care what anyone says or thinks about him, their wrong to think negativly about this kid right here. He's thee best dude I've ever met. And I know people may think I say that only cause I see him as my best friend, but its not just that. I'd say it even if we weren't. I owe so much to this kid right here, it's not funny. He's the best person ever. And I mean that. Ever. [= He's smart, funny, compassionate, helpfull, kind, sweet, random, strong, hard-working, passionate, caring, understanding, and just a lot more then he probably even realizes himself.

I know I've made my fair share of mistakes, I've probably taken him for granted a few times, I've probably treated him like shit more then once, and I can be just a flat out bitch without warning or true reason. But he, he's still there. And I hope that he always will be. <3

The shit that most people say they would do with a time machine is nothing for me. I'd honestly just go back to my 8th grade year. Simply so I'd be able to hangout with this kid as much as I wish I could now. Any mood, I'd simply be able to run over to his house, hangout & talk. And everything would be ok for the time being. I just really miss those days is all.

I'm so glad I did one smart thing in my past at least and thats chose him over Emily. And the fact he let me talk to him about everything they said that day to me, was amazing. It really meant a lot to me. And it made me give him A LOT of respect. I learned what a real friend is because of him. And how to ditch the fake failures who called themselves friends. He's taught me a lot more since then too. (:

I guess, all-in-all, theres really only one big thing I look forward too. Well, two techinocoly. (Yes, I can't spell.) And thats:
1) Him visiting again this summer =]
2) MY trip to see him after senior year for the whole damn summer. <3

He's the best person in my life. Wheather I have a boyfriend or not. He's #1 and always will be. =]

Freakin' Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

This kid is seriously amazing. Honestly. We all hungout yesterday at the mall. Tom, Me, Darien, Niko and his current girlfriend Rachel. Yea, it might've not have been my best idea ever inviting Niko and Tom but it wasn't all bad. Cause once Darien left around 4 and Niko not to shortly after with Rachel, it was just me & him. =] We ended up going back to my house and just hanging out. We got to learn a lot about each other too. We got to just hangout in my room and watch TV on my bed cuddling and stuff. We talked about our pasts a bit and we told each other most of our honest feelings.

I said "Just to think, Darien's hypothetical questions became real"
He said "Yea" and smiles, resting his head on my pillow looking over at me.
I said "I have a question though" and look over eagerly
He says "Yes?"
I ask "If it weren't for Darien, would you have eventually asked me? Or no?" and lay my head down beside his.
He replies "Eventually yea.." and looks up at the ceiling.
I ask "How long would it have taken? I'm just really curious"
He says "Probably awhile....like February? Yea probably.." and smiles looking back down at me.
I ask quickly "So you liked me before?"
He says "Yea" and blushes
I said happily "I've liked you for awhile too" and hide my face in the pillow blushing.
He looks over, tilts my head back to look at his and kisses me, "I love you now though" and holds me close.

He really, honestly is perfect. Yea our pasts aren't the bests but our futures are extremely bright now as long as we have each other. We have everything in each other. And no matter who you are, you must know me if you're reading this. And you KNOW I'm not one to easily say that. I'm | | that close to saying that I love him. And thats just not something I'm use to. At all. It's just that, he really knows how to make me smile and laugh and just feel special. I feel unbelievable when I'm near him, let alone with him having his arms around me. I love this, and I think I love him. <3

You can call me many names
You can tell me many things
You can do many things to me
Doesn't mean they'll have any meaning behind them
And it's simply because they don't
That I can say I don't care

So honestly dear.
I'm so much happier right now then I've been in awhile.
So If you may,
Please.
Just go away
And leave me be.

I'm better off
With someone who both means what they say
And say what they mean.
Specially if they mean something to me too.
Unlike you.
<3

He's My Reality Now =]♥

He says "Im sorry if I say that I love you to much or if Im to possesive. Just tell me and I'll tone it down"
I tell him "No honestly. It's cute. I don't mind it. Believe me" and smile.
He says "I only say it cause I really do mean it. I do love you." and kisses my head.
I tell him "I know boo. And I will say it when I really know I can mean it too."
He says "You've been hurt a lot havn't you? Thats why you don't say it so soon."
I say "Yea. I have. But I don't think it'll happen with you."
He says "I know it wont." and holds me.

I really can't believe it's less then a week with him, and how amazing he already is. Sure he's only a freshman but he's 15. And he's mine and makes me feel real. A lot more then most can. I feel really lucky to be with someone like him. I really, really do. =] I'm unbelieveably happy when I'm near him. And with him by my side, I'll always know that Im safe. He stands up for me against anyone. Something no other boyfriend of mine ever did truly. (: And we're not rushing stuff either. We've only started to kiss and those aren't too common. I love how this is working out. And I think it won't be too long before I can say I love him. But when I do say it to him, I'll really mean it.

As for every other one of my daily creepers saying it to me, just stop. I'm finally happy. Now go away. <3

This post, isn't like the rest. I'm not exactly myself and im letting my mind do all the thinking and all the typing.

All I can really say is that what im doing isnt the right thing and i know it isnt. but i continue to go with the flow and i cant handle everything. im trying to be tougher then i usually show myself to be by keeping stuff inside and im learning the hard way that doesnt work very well. i cant do everything im expected. i cant do everything i want. i dont have true control over have th stuff i end up to do. I dont know what it is but I do it anyway. dont get me wrong, its nothing along the lines of what ur probably thinking but its not too far off. I think to myself and there are different "voices" sorta speak, in my head and mind.its not a true sickness only a mess of ones mind. and sure i usually say Im not in the right mind bu when i say that now, i mean it. i dont gety much. Imma mess. But I try to help everyone and right now, thats crashing in on me. I guess some of you will say that it's what I diserve but I actually agree. I want something to happen with a certain person, but im pushing along that and another. idk what to do at this point. I know i shouldnt complain of my own personal problems. and that many people, many that i even know of, have way bigger issues. ive been through hell in my opinion and I dont want peoples sympathy. its the 1 thing i loathe. sure it feels good but it does eat away at a person inner mind of their soul. And by this point, I dont have much of sucha soul left to eat away at. one of these days, i know whats gonna happen. Im gonna end up crawling back to the person and shell i use to hide in/behind. And Im going to regret it...