It's Tuesday, second day of fencing practice and of morning HSPA classes. Also the very last day of November. And things are all ready getting outta hand...
Me & Freshman have actually hungout this past weekend with Darien. And it honestly was amazing. Put me in one of the better moods I've been in lately and helped me think that I actually have a chance with him. Darien's the only one I truly keep up-to-date on this with details and stuff but cha. Darien's trying to help me with him.
I've started talking to Kep again. It's been 2-3 days and it's already like o.o and yeaaaa....
I forgave him for his past. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold many grudges to anyone if I can help it. But he's kinda acting like he use to with me before. Just....without Joe being there to interfere and "claim" me. I don't know what to believe. I do like him, not to much, but very slightly. It's just the fact of past shit he's done and what I know could happen I guess. I don't know what to do. I'm going to try to stick with Freshman for now and hope it works out. But at this point, I really don't know what to expect. And it kinda scares me...
Does/will Freshman actually like me?
Do I even how a chance?
If not, what about Kep?
Will I end up with him?
What would happen?
What'll people think?
Will it be worth it?
Stay tuned to find out...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
"Forever Gone" - Me
Let me just begin with saying
I have changed
That part was true
But apparently
Not much else was
You left me
But I get all the blame
In your eyes
And even your pathetic mind
I can't believe
Or think back to anything
Good I saw in a person like you
You've lied through your teeth
You've lied through your promises
And you played with my emotions
I trusted you
And it's because I did
That the truth eventually came out
Was I honestly a puppet?
Why did I keep it up?
I played your little games
I listened and believe everything you said
Sure we had our ups & downs
But in the end
At that time anyway,
We always went back to ok
But count up those times
I shouldve woke up sooner
A lot sooner
I can't believe how naive I was
To even get close to a person
You now show yourself to be
Hypocrtical
Lying
Depressing
Attention Seeking
Clueless
Fake.
I can't believe I finally woke up
Even with your apologizes
Which were simply skin deep
No emotion behind them
You really should go into acting
Cause you'd be perfect
A great preformance
But nothing else but a preformance
I hope you fucking know
You've replaced the one person I hate
Yea, congradulations
I'm forever gone.
I have changed
That part was true
But apparently
Not much else was
You left me
But I get all the blame
In your eyes
And even your pathetic mind
I can't believe
Or think back to anything
Good I saw in a person like you
You've lied through your teeth
You've lied through your promises
And you played with my emotions
I trusted you
And it's because I did
That the truth eventually came out
Was I honestly a puppet?
Why did I keep it up?
I played your little games
I listened and believe everything you said
Sure we had our ups & downs
But in the end
At that time anyway,
We always went back to ok
But count up those times
I shouldve woke up sooner
A lot sooner
I can't believe how naive I was
To even get close to a person
You now show yourself to be
Hypocrtical
Lying
Depressing
Attention Seeking
Clueless
Fake.
I can't believe I finally woke up
Even with your apologizes
Which were simply skin deep
No emotion behind them
You really should go into acting
Cause you'd be perfect
A great preformance
But nothing else but a preformance
I hope you fucking know
You've replaced the one person I hate
Yea, congradulations
I'm forever gone.
Monday, November 15, 2010
What'd I do now?
Well lets see, today's the 15th and it's NOT a fun day what so ever.
Yea I'm passing every class now.
Spanish : 77
History : Something in the B range.
Algerbra II Basic : 70
Ecology: 74
Gym : C range probably
Photo: B range
English High C, low B's.
But otherwise, in my actually daily life (friends, family, personal, etc.) everything is not so well.
My mind is a very scary place right now.
I don't have many "real" friends.
Scruffy&Dustin is just like......GAH and and what the fuck, specially after yesterday....... =\
Freshman situation....
The usual family bullshit.
And just FUN times.
-_-
Darien's honestly starting to get on my nerves too. And I think he's realizing it. He keeps saying he's depressed and upset and feels like crap but he has NO fucking clue. Honestly. I barely do, forget him.
Blehhhhh
Dentist is after school today too and I know thats not going to end well. Mom doesn't get why I say it won't either. Which is like "....wow...really?" Seeing how many times Ive gone in for a cleaning to come out either grounded, in HUGE fucking pain, or crying.... fun. Yay for genetics!!
I also have Anime Club right before that too. Yay. I'm allowing Evan to come back for a meeting and as long as he behaves eh can stay. Otherwise, he is permanently banned. And he can't complain anymore about us being truly "un-fair."
Oh...and did I mention I already feel like crap? Yea. Add that in too....
Yea I'm passing every class now.
Spanish : 77
History : Something in the B range.
Algerbra II Basic : 70
Ecology: 74
Gym : C range probably
Photo: B range
English High C, low B's.
But otherwise, in my actually daily life (friends, family, personal, etc.) everything is not so well.
My mind is a very scary place right now.
I don't have many "real" friends.
Scruffy&Dustin is just like......GAH and and what the fuck, specially after yesterday....... =\
Freshman situation....
The usual family bullshit.
And just FUN times.
-_-
Darien's honestly starting to get on my nerves too. And I think he's realizing it. He keeps saying he's depressed and upset and feels like crap but he has NO fucking clue. Honestly. I barely do, forget him.
Blehhhhh
Dentist is after school today too and I know thats not going to end well. Mom doesn't get why I say it won't either. Which is like "....wow...really?" Seeing how many times Ive gone in for a cleaning to come out either grounded, in HUGE fucking pain, or crying.... fun. Yay for genetics!!
I also have Anime Club right before that too. Yay. I'm allowing Evan to come back for a meeting and as long as he behaves eh can stay. Otherwise, he is permanently banned. And he can't complain anymore about us being truly "un-fair."
Oh...and did I mention I already feel like crap? Yea. Add that in too....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Continuation of the last post...
Turns out Freshman couldn't hangout cause he had to go straight home cause of something with his sister. So I hugged him and told him to go and I hungout for awhile with Julie & Erica.
Once they got home I had to walk home myself cause dad (as always) works late Fridays. But I figured I'd see if Darien or Casey could hangout, and it ended up being a no, but me spending the entire walk home talking to Casey. My sissis. =] Amazing seeing we havn't truly talked for too long lately.
And the rest of the day was pretty much spent home talking to Dustin & Scruffy. Let me just say that I love them, but thier freakin' hilarious with the stunts they pull. xD
Good day all-in-all in the end. (:
Once they got home I had to walk home myself cause dad (as always) works late Fridays. But I figured I'd see if Darien or Casey could hangout, and it ended up being a no, but me spending the entire walk home talking to Casey. My sissis. =] Amazing seeing we havn't truly talked for too long lately.
And the rest of the day was pretty much spent home talking to Dustin & Scruffy. Let me just say that I love them, but thier freakin' hilarious with the stunts they pull. xD
Good day all-in-all in the end. (:
Friday, November 12, 2010
What will come next?
Well it's Friday already....and it's 7th period....
Today after school I'm hanging out Freshman. And for those of you who don't know who that is, it's my friend Tom.
I'm staying after school too, so I can wait for him to get out of Detention. Then we're gonna walk to my place or hangout or something once he is done. He isn't staying to long, otherwise I'd say to watch a movie. But yea, he has a dinner to go to with family or w/e at 6, so he's leaving around 5:30. I really wonder whats going to happen with him and myself....
Anyways, Me & Dustin are doing pretty good. Though I don't really trust myself much but he's worth it. He means A LOT to me....a lot....and I'm gonna keep this as long as I can. He's just too perfect.
Me & Scruffy are amazing friends and we're even more open. Though after last nights little incident with Monica, Joe is now completely on his shit list. Congrada-fucking-lations.Dumbass.....not my fight anymore. You wanna play the lying game, let it fucking begin. I don't need you and I never actually did. Scruffy is the one person that I'd risk my life for truly without a second thought to it and he's the one person I can trust completely. I love him and you, you we're just a mistake. An 8 month mistake. So go fuck yourself. Please & thank you.
I'll write more to this later.....
Today after school I'm hanging out Freshman. And for those of you who don't know who that is, it's my friend Tom.
I'm staying after school too, so I can wait for him to get out of Detention. Then we're gonna walk to my place or hangout or something once he is done. He isn't staying to long, otherwise I'd say to watch a movie. But yea, he has a dinner to go to with family or w/e at 6, so he's leaving around 5:30. I really wonder whats going to happen with him and myself....
Anyways, Me & Dustin are doing pretty good. Though I don't really trust myself much but he's worth it. He means A LOT to me....a lot....and I'm gonna keep this as long as I can. He's just too perfect.
Me & Scruffy are amazing friends and we're even more open. Though after last nights little incident with Monica, Joe is now completely on his shit list. Congrada-fucking-lations.Dumbass.....not my fight anymore. You wanna play the lying game, let it fucking begin. I don't need you and I never actually did. Scruffy is the one person that I'd risk my life for truly without a second thought to it and he's the one person I can trust completely. I love him and you, you we're just a mistake. An 8 month mistake. So go fuck yourself. Please & thank you.
I'll write more to this later.....
"A Girl And Her Cat" By: Me (Part one)
There once was a girl named Elli. Her and her boyfriend Marco were living together in this run-down old house in Midtown Canada.Elli was a beautiful, red headed, wild punk rocker kind of chick. While Marco was more quiet, friendly but the lead singer to his own personal band "The What's?"Both were young, being only in their mid twenty's.
One day, Elli awoke to a weird purring noise. Getting up realizing her boyfriend wasn't beside her, or even home, she got her robe on and went to see what it was. She went to her front door and opened it to see a basket. Pulling the sheets off it, finding nothing. She held the basket and turned to close the door, to see a baby bobcat starring back at her. She leaned down and it dashed away. Looking all over her house looking for the strange cat, she was also pondering the question, "Where was Marco?"
Two or three hours later she had given up her frantic search. While blasting her new "Black Veil Brides" playlist on her ipod speakers, she finds a note on the floor.
"Dear Marco,
Haii sweety. Thanks for all your help the other night. I feel a lot better now. =] Your amazing. See you next week! *kisses*
Love,
<3 Patrisha."
To her shock, she realized the name. It was Marco's ex girlfriend. Marco hadn't mentioned her to Elli lately though. But he has been gone a lot more often. Elli thought to herself, "....could her really be cheating...on me...?" Shaking off the thought of it, the mysterious bob-cat re-appeared.
This time she had sat down and the cat jumped onto her lap and lied down purring loudly. Elli sat there, with the strange cat on her her lap asleep, for the most of the remaining day. For once in her life, she could relax. At least until Marco gets home...
One day, Elli awoke to a weird purring noise. Getting up realizing her boyfriend wasn't beside her, or even home, she got her robe on and went to see what it was. She went to her front door and opened it to see a basket. Pulling the sheets off it, finding nothing. She held the basket and turned to close the door, to see a baby bobcat starring back at her. She leaned down and it dashed away. Looking all over her house looking for the strange cat, she was also pondering the question, "Where was Marco?"
Two or three hours later she had given up her frantic search. While blasting her new "Black Veil Brides" playlist on her ipod speakers, she finds a note on the floor.
"Dear Marco,
Haii sweety. Thanks for all your help the other night. I feel a lot better now. =] Your amazing. See you next week! *kisses*
Love,
<3 Patrisha."
To her shock, she realized the name. It was Marco's ex girlfriend. Marco hadn't mentioned her to Elli lately though. But he has been gone a lot more often. Elli thought to herself, "....could her really be cheating...on me...?" Shaking off the thought of it, the mysterious bob-cat re-appeared.
This time she had sat down and the cat jumped onto her lap and lied down purring loudly. Elli sat there, with the strange cat on her her lap asleep, for the most of the remaining day. For once in her life, she could relax. At least until Marco gets home...
Monday, November 8, 2010
5 Things to 5 different people.
1: Scruffy:
You are my bestest friend & my only true little brother. Yea you moved, but we havn't changed much. Nothing will ever come between us or change how we are. If it weren't for you, I'd be in a much worse condtition probably. I owe you so much and your the best person ever. You know me better then everyone else and you still havn't ditched me yet. I trust you more then anyone and everyone. And I love you as much as I possibly could for a bestestest friend. So please just don't ever change. =]
2: Darien:
You're an oddball but I love you non the less. Your my best friend when it comes to being in-state and it shall stay that way. You've been there for me since High School started and I hope it stays the same way throughout. You know alot about me and I think I know alot about you as well. Your a very entertainingly, funny&caring kid. And your are my onee-chan. =]
3: Joanna:
Your my best friend when it comes to being a chick. You can handle more personal stuff then most people I've met. You know how to give some of the greatest adivce. And your honesty is one of your best characteristics. Your there for me and anyone else who truly needs you and your also extremly caring. Yea your a bit more girly but that makes you more you. I love you daughter. <3
4: Casey:
You've been my Sissis for as long as I can remember in regards to Middle School Casey. You've been there the longest out of most people I've known since I've moved here. You know the true old me and you understand the changes I've gone through. You don't judge others and I love you for it. Your completly sweethearted and understand and the prettier & smarter form of myself. (; I trust you more the I do most people. And yea, we don't really get many chances to talk or hangout but come fencing season and that will all change once again. I love you Sissis. <3
5: Dustin:
You're the newest addition to my circle of best friends. And yea I am yet to meet you, but you've bee my buddy since before summer even truly started. You know a few things about me but your extremly open with me and that gives me a sense of security with you. You're there most of the time when I need someone and I try to be there as much as I can for you back. We talk more then most people that I even know in real life. Your so adorable&sweet it's unbelieveable. [= Thank you so much for cheering me up babe. Love chu buttercup. <3
You are my bestest friend & my only true little brother. Yea you moved, but we havn't changed much. Nothing will ever come between us or change how we are. If it weren't for you, I'd be in a much worse condtition probably. I owe you so much and your the best person ever. You know me better then everyone else and you still havn't ditched me yet. I trust you more then anyone and everyone. And I love you as much as I possibly could for a bestestest friend. So please just don't ever change. =]
2: Darien:
You're an oddball but I love you non the less. Your my best friend when it comes to being in-state and it shall stay that way. You've been there for me since High School started and I hope it stays the same way throughout. You know alot about me and I think I know alot about you as well. Your a very entertainingly, funny&caring kid. And your are my onee-chan. =]
3: Joanna:
Your my best friend when it comes to being a chick. You can handle more personal stuff then most people I've met. You know how to give some of the greatest adivce. And your honesty is one of your best characteristics. Your there for me and anyone else who truly needs you and your also extremly caring. Yea your a bit more girly but that makes you more you. I love you daughter. <3
4: Casey:
You've been my Sissis for as long as I can remember in regards to Middle School Casey. You've been there the longest out of most people I've known since I've moved here. You know the true old me and you understand the changes I've gone through. You don't judge others and I love you for it. Your completly sweethearted and understand and the prettier & smarter form of myself. (; I trust you more the I do most people. And yea, we don't really get many chances to talk or hangout but come fencing season and that will all change once again. I love you Sissis. <3
5: Dustin:
You're the newest addition to my circle of best friends. And yea I am yet to meet you, but you've bee my buddy since before summer even truly started. You know a few things about me but your extremly open with me and that gives me a sense of security with you. You're there most of the time when I need someone and I try to be there as much as I can for you back. We talk more then most people that I even know in real life. Your so adorable&sweet it's unbelieveable. [= Thank you so much for cheering me up babe. Love chu buttercup. <3
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