This post, isn't like the rest. I'm not exactly myself and im letting my mind do all the thinking and all the typing.

All I can really say is that what im doing isnt the right thing and i know it isnt. but i continue to go with the flow and i cant handle everything. im trying to be tougher then i usually show myself to be by keeping stuff inside and im learning the hard way that doesnt work very well. i cant do everything im expected. i cant do everything i want. i dont have true control over have th stuff i end up to do. I dont know what it is but I do it anyway. dont get me wrong, its nothing along the lines of what ur probably thinking but its not too far off. I think to myself and there are different "voices" sorta speak, in my head and mind.its not a true sickness only a mess of ones mind. and sure i usually say Im not in the right mind bu when i say that now, i mean it. i dont gety much. Imma mess. But I try to help everyone and right now, thats crashing in on me. I guess some of you will say that it's what I diserve but I actually agree. I want something to happen with a certain person, but im pushing along that and another. idk what to do at this point. I know i shouldnt complain of my own personal problems. and that many people, many that i even know of, have way bigger issues. ive been through hell in my opinion and I dont want peoples sympathy. its the 1 thing i loathe. sure it feels good but it does eat away at a person inner mind of their soul. And by this point, I dont have much of sucha soul left to eat away at. one of these days, i know whats gonna happen. Im gonna end up crawling back to the person and shell i use to hide in/behind. And Im going to regret it...