I finnally remember....I remember what happened. I get it all now. I really do. I know I said I wouldn't talk to Kyle anymore, and I'm really gonna try to hold to that.

That last day...the day with Kyle...the day I got grounded...I just repressed it all. I don't know why...seeing it's been forever trying to figure it all out...but I remember now.

Kyle was upset & I was too. I was texting him durring the day, while we were both at school. And he said he couldn't do it anymore. I told him to not talk like that. I was really worried about him. I promised him I'd go over to his house after school. I'd try to help him & cheer him up. He agreed. We did like eachother. That I'll be honest with now. But we weren't going to date for a long while. Till Lopez was ok with it. Seeing Dan never would be. But my dad wasn't too happy that day. I had to head over there right after school if I didn't wanna get caught. I got home, dropped everything off, and started walking. I knew I would've had to wait outside for a few minutes, before Kyle got home. I was fine with it. And we were still texting eachother. Constantly saying "Rawr" and I think most teenagers know what that means by now. So yea. He got home from school, got some stuff cleaned up, and we headed up to his room. We just talked. He told me how he felt with everything that was going on. I don't think he lied one bit. I really don't. Not anymore. And in that time period, I didn't lie either. And about a half hour maybe a lil more...my dad was texting me. Asking where I was. I lied, telling him I was at Washington Park. Meanwhile, asking Kyle if we could go out across the street, so my dad wouldn't catch me. I told him I'd explain it later. Inturn he said in 5 minutes. I excepted it. But my dad? Not so much...he flat out asked if I was at Kyles. He said to be honest. I wasn't to him. At all. I knew how he felt about Kyle. He hated him. Well, he pretty much did anyway just cause Kyle was a lil older then me. And since he had circled the park, with no sign of me, he knew immiedatly that I had lied. And waited outside Kyles, pissed off as ever. Dad texted me that Im in deep trouble and to go outside. I started getting realy worried. Kyle was so confused. I feel so bad...I had to grab my stuff and go outside and leave in like 5 seconds...no real goodbye..and dad took my phone the moment I got into the car. He said that Kyle texted me the moment I left...saying "Donna..."

I got grounded for a week & a half. Or just about that. No phone, computer, games....nothing that I had any contact outside with. And seeing we only had one day of school that week too...wasn't easy. I spent Halloween stuck with my dad at work. Dad told me that everyone was calling&texting me. Getting really pissed to. Cause he didnt answer any of them. No one but myself knew why. No one knew I was grounded.

But once I had explained everything to Nicole when we got back to school. It all made some sense.
(I'm not gonna bother trying to tell the whole "I got hacked on my facebook" thing. Lets just say, who ever did it, was smart. But not nice to any of my friends then. Not at all. Majority of my friends, because of it, hated my guts.) But I occasionally asked Nicole for her phone. And I would text Kyle. I had to explain everything to him. I think I did too. He said ok when I said I'd text him once I got my phone back. And that for now, we had to use Nicole to talk through. He still cared then. I was amazed. As was I extremly happy. He didn't hate me. Not yet at least is what I didn't know...it didn't last long. Cause of the facebook thing. Lopez & Dan....Nicole & Novak...it just wasn't meant...

Now this all makes sense....It really...really does. I can get for once, why he hates me. Why he wants nothing to do with me. It makes so much sense. And all this time...saying I don't remember...that had to hurt even more. All of the crap I have done, had to. I'm so sorry to everyone for all of this. I can't believe how horrible I've been. Like holy shit....I'm horribly so sorry....and I know you'll never read this....I wish you could...but you wont...and that makes it that much more painfull to me...cause I'm keeping my promise...unless you talk to me....I'm staying away from you...Sorry..the truth is? I did "love" you Kyle....when I never...ever..meant to..I'm sorry...to Lopez too...I never diserved either of you....