I don't even know what I wanna say here. Just something. Anything would be good. I get that I'm a fucking scew up but people can stop reminding me of that. Please. And if you wanna talk, I'm all ears. I'm here. But when aall you wanna do is shoot me down, don't bother. Please please don't. I'm fucking weak shit and I know it. Believe me I do. I have emotional bonds with people I really wish I never even met. Or talked to. Or even ever knew. People fucking suck, and I'm included in it. I get it. I'm sorry for the way I am. But you're not much fucking better. You know why I talk to some of the people I do? They're decent. I love them. They are actually nice & caring. I'm there for them, just as they are me. But with others? Just cause I'm fucking stupid and I can't let go of the damn past. Why? Cause people who once meant so much, I now mean nothing to. When, in my heart & mind, I meant what I've said. I still care. That's my issue. Ok? That good enough of a reason? I'm sorry I'm not some fucking perfect big titted chick. I'm sorry I'm no ugly barbie. I have a mind, which I try to speak when I can. Or when I think I should. But my heart is legittamtily always hurt. It's been like that for years with these people. And through life, it won't get better. I'm a openly caring person. And that alone screws me over more then90% of the time. I barely have an real confidence, and when I do, it's short lived. Not many people I know are real, and I know I may seem fake. But when I tell you something, I'm not saying it to hear myself. I'm saying it to YOU for a reason. I'm not like that. I don't just give to give. I give for reasons. And when I do, I wish it meant something to someone. I wish just one person would speak up. Really. Other then Scruffy. Who I owe the world to. But someone new. A new face is nice. Someone who isn't like those I've mentioned. Not an everday case. Someone who means what they say & are willing to prove it to me. I have a few in mind, but I doubt any will actually give enough effort. I've been cut down so many times. I even am being hurt as we speak. By someone...two people...I've told & meant that I loved them. What else is wrong with me? Someone wanna care? Someone? I hate being like this...but I had to type this out. I hate showing people what I really think. But here is most of it. I'm sorry to whoever reads this. This is near my worst. I'm weak pathetitic shit. And oh, a bitch now too. How great..