Is it a bad thing to be someone like me...yet want to break down in front of everyone?
Is it bad to have the need to go and hide...but not know why?
And when I actually do....I feel complelty stupid..
I need to run...I wanna hide...I wanna have time to me...
But when I do what I have to...I come right back to the begining..

My mind worries me. Not because I'm sick. Not because I miss my boo. None of that really..
Just...those thoughts are back...they've grown...the memories..the emotions...I'm scared...and I hate it.
I'm not right in my mind no matter who tells me otherwise. I truly would want to breakdown...right in front of everyone..just to see who would care...who would understand me..it's not right..it's not me...but am I wrong?

After everything...durring everything...would it be bad to see who is actually behind me? Who is beside me? And who is nothing but a puddle of memories from the past I wish were there..but evaporate when things heat up...would it be bad? Cause it's honestly coming to that point..it nearly happened today...

All I know is that I need someone...someone who doesn't know how bad my past thoughts have gotten...someone who cares..I'll call Scruffy tonight but I dont know..I'm not gonna ruin his day...just because I'm screwed up...

I'm sorry to any of those friends who might be reading this.
I'm sorry for ever hurting you.
I'm sorry for ever lying.
I'm sorry for ever being a bad or fake friend.
I'm sorry for the times I wasn't there..

I know how bad things can get..I know the advice I give...I just gotta learn to take it..