1) Going to my grandmas house yesterday eventually made something click with me. Made me realize a lot actually. I'm 17. My moms 53. And my lovable grandma Jennie is nearly 90. Theres the same age difference between my mom & me, as there is between her mom & her. So theres that. And that my grandma won't always be here. Not much longer even from all the stuff she has, mainly in her mind. It's slipping quicker each time we see her...it's really upsetting. It was interesting originally but now it's bad. I love her. And when I one day have kids..they won't ever get to even see/meet her. And it's a shame. Anyone is lucky to meet her. Shes fucking amazingly adorable. A piece of work. Been here forever. Just like her sisters (the people I call my great aunts) Aunt Celia & Josie. <3 They're even older then she is..</3
2) My youngest brother out of the 3 has schizophrenia. Has since he was 18. He is now 33 almost. Well, this coming week he will be. But yea. And not much is really known bout it. Just that it's extremly difficult to tell the difference between reality & the fake world in their minds. The wires are differently connected in important parts of the mind pretty much. It could be extremly dangerous. In fact, a lot of people just can't handle it after awhile. Thus, I'm glad I still have Greg. But somethings deffinatly wrong. From just how I see/hear/talk to/about him, somethings wrong. I honestly think it's getting worse. Somethings have happened to back it up. He's safe but only if he keeps up with all the meds he is on. Specially seeing he's living with my other, middle brother&his family, across the street from me. So I'm starting to think there might soon be new issues with that...I'm just really hoping not. :\
3) When the sad day does come & my grandmother does pass away into heaven...that'll be pretty much my last time ever going back to the house. Mom has even said..she is the one reason we still go. We'll loose a lot of communication with anyone who would still live there. My cousin, aunt, multiple uncles, and both my great aunts & their son peter. =\ And even a bit with my oldest brother... >.< I hate it. But my grandma is the one person besides my mom & Aunt Donna, who have held peace with that side of my family. And seeing I live in Jersey & Aunt Donna in PA...it makes sense as to why..I just... don't know..
4) Okiee...when it comes to the whole me & Luvie situation...I'm perfectly freakin happy with it like this right now. It's unspoken a lot..kind of at least. But I don't know. It's complicated but wierdly enough, I'm fine with this. I have him & he has me. We've got eachother to back up & help out. He is so amazing I fucking swear. I'm really happy & lucky to have met him. I know it. (: He diserves so much better & more tho. I know this & I've told him many times. I love the dude a lot and he means a hella lot to me too. He's amazing, adorable, cute, funny, sweet, caring, compassionate, honest, helpful, an unbelievable friend...he is a lot. x3 I don't ever wanna lose him. Regardless of whatever me & him are, or even become, I'll always be there for him. Even if we just stay simple buddies. I'm happy with him. And if he's happy too, and I can still talk with him, I'm good. Believe me. ^-^ <3With Scruffy & him by my side, I'll be invinsible! xD
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